Grief and Trauma Management Cheat Sheet

A concise guide to 25 skills and strategies to support healing from grief and trauma. Use these as tools to navigate difficult emotions, build resilience, and foster recovery.

By: Nichole Oliver LPC, NCC, DAAETS

1. Social Engagement

Connect with trusted people to regulate emotions:

• Reach out to a friend or family member for a supportive conversation.
• Join a support group (in-person or online) to share experiences.
• Engage in small, low-pressure social activities (e.g., coffee with a friend).
• Use eye contact, smiles, or shared activities to feel connected.

2. Titration

Process trauma gradually to avoid overwhelm:

• Break emotional processing into small, manageable doses.
• Focus on one aspect of the experience at a time (e.g., a single memory).
• Pause and check in with your body when emotions feel intense.
• Return to a neutral or positive activity after processing.

3. Pendulation

Shift between distress and calm to build resilience:

• Alternate between focusing on painful feelings and a safe, neutral sensation (e.g., feeling your feet on the ground).
• Visualize a comforting image (e.g., a safe place) when distress arises.
• Practice moving back and forth slowly to regulate your nervous system.
• Use a timer (e.g., 1 min distress, 1 min calm) to structure the process.

4. Grounding Techniques

Anchor yourself in the present moment:

• 5-4-3-2-1: Name 5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
• Press your feet firmly into the floor to feel stable.
• Hold a comforting object (e.g., a stone or soft fabric).
• Describe your surroundings aloud to stay present.

5. Deep Breathing

Calm the nervous system with intentional breath:

• Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 6.
• Practice diaphragmatic breathing (belly expands on inhale).
• Use a mantra (e.g., “I am safe”) while breathing.
• Try box breathing (4 seconds each: inhale, hold, exhale, hold).

6. Journaling

Process emotions through writing:

• Write freely about your feelings without judgment (5-10 min).
• Use prompts like “What do I need today?” or “What feels heavy?”
• Create a gratitude list to balance painful emotions.
• Revisit entries to track progress over time.

7. Body Awareness

Tune into physical sensations to release trauma:

• Scan your body for tension or discomfort (head to toes).
• Gently stretch or shake out areas of tightness.
• Notice where you feel emotions (e.g., chest tightness, stomach knots).
• Use progressive muscle relaxation (tense and release each muscle group).

8. Mindfulness Meditation

Cultivate non-judgmental awareness:

• Focus on your breath or a neutral object for 5-10 minutes.
• Observe thoughts without engaging them (“I notice this thought”).
• Use guided meditations (apps like Calm or Insight Timer).
• Practice body scans to connect mind and body.

9. Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with kindness:

• Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend (e.g., “It’s okay to feel this”).
• Write a letter to yourself acknowledging your pain and strength.
• Practice self-compassion breaks: Pause, acknowledge suffering, offer comfort.
• Avoid self-criticism; reframe negative thoughts (e.g., “I’m doing my best”).

10. Movement

Release stored energy through physical activity:

• Walk, dance, or do gentle yoga to process emotions.
• Try somatic exercises like shaking or swaying to release tension.
• Engage in rhythmic activities (e.g., drumming, running) to regulate.
• Choose activities you enjoy to make it sustainable.

11. Visualization

Use imagery to create safety and calm:

• Picture a safe place (e.g., a beach or forest) in vivid detail.
• Imagine a protective bubble around you during tough moments.
• Visualize releasing grief (e.g., letting it float away like a balloon).
• Revisit this imagery when feeling overwhelmed.

12. Boundary Setting

Protect your emotional space:

• Say “no” to draining commitments without guilt.
• Communicate needs clearly (e.g., “I need quiet time today”).
• Limit exposure to triggering people or environments.
• Create a personal “safe zone” (e.g., a cozy corner at home).

13. Creative Expression

Channel emotions through art:

• Draw, paint, or doodle to express feelings non-verbally.
• Write poetry or stories to process your experience.
• Create a collage representing your healing journey.
• Use music (e.g., singing, playing an instrument) to release emotions.

14. Cognitive Reframing

Shift negative thought patterns:

• Identify distorted thoughts (e.g., “I’ll never feel better”).
• Replace with balanced thoughts (e.g., “I’m healing at my own pace”).
• Ask, “What evidence supports this thought?” to challenge negativity.
• Keep a thought log to track and reframe patterns.

15. Anchoring Rituals

Create small, comforting routines:

• Start the day with a 5-minute gratitude or intention-setting practice.
• Light a candle or sip tea mindfully to signal calm.
• End the day with a brief reflection on what went well.
• Use consistent rituals to create predictability and safety.

16. Nature Connection

Use the outdoors to soothe and ground:

• Spend 10 minutes outside noticing nature (trees, breeze, sounds).
• Walk barefoot on grass to feel connected to the earth.
• Garden or care for plants to nurture something tangible.
• Sit by water (e.g., a lake or stream) for calming effects.

17. Somatic Tracking

Notice and release physical sensations:

• Track sensations (e.g., warmth, tingling) without judgment.
• Gently move or massage areas where trauma feels “stuck.”
• Pair with slow breathing to stay grounded during tracking.
• Work with a somatic therapist for guided support if needed.

18. Gratitude Practice

Focus on small positives to balance grief:

• List 3 things daily that brought you joy or comfort.
• Share gratitude with someone (e.g., a thank-you note).
• Reflect on strengths that have helped you cope.
• Use a gratitude app (e.g., Grateful) for prompts.

19. Positive Distraction

Engage in activities to shift focus:

• Watch a comforting movie or read a light book.
• Do a puzzle or play a game to occupy your mind.
• Cook a favorite recipe or try a new one.
• Limit distraction time to avoid suppressing emotions.

20. Affirmations

Use positive statements to build resilience:

• Repeat phrases like “I am strong enough to heal” or “I am safe now.”
• Write affirmations on sticky notes and place them visibly.
• Record yourself saying affirmations and listen when needed.
• Personalize affirmations to address specific fears or grief.

21. Sensory Regulation

Use senses to calm the nervous system:

• Listen to soothing music or nature sounds.
• Smell calming scents like lavender or chamomile.
• Taste something comforting (e.g., warm tea, dark chocolate).
• Touch soft textures (e.g., a blanket or pet) for comfort.

22. Time-Limited Grieving

Set aside specific times to process grief:

• Schedule 10-15 minutes daily to feel and express grief (e.g., cry, journal).
• Use a timer to keep the session contained.
• Transition to a grounding activity afterward (e.g., breathing, movement).
• Adjust time as needed to feel safe and manageable.

23. Supportive Touch

Use safe touch to self-soothe:

• Place a hand on your heart or belly and breathe deeply.
• Give yourself a gentle hug or rub your arms.
• Use a weighted blanket for a sense of security.
• Ask a trusted person for a hug if comfortable.

24. Resource Building

Identify and lean on inner strengths:

• List past challenges you’ve overcome to recall resilience.
• Identify supportive people, places, or activities as “resources.”
• Visualize these resources during tough moments.
• Create a “resource card” with reminders of what helps.

25. Professional Support

Seek expert guidance when needed:

• Work with a trauma-informed therapist (e.g., EMDR, somatic experiencing).
• Join a grief counseling group for shared support.
• Explore online therapy platforms (e.g., BetterHelp, Talkspace).
• Consult a doctor if grief impacts sleep, appetite, or daily functioning.

Tips for Using This Cheat Sheet

• Start Small: Try 1-2 skills at a time to avoid overwhelm.
• Be Patient: Healing is non-linear; progress takes time.
• Customize: Adapt techniques to your needs and comfort level.
• Seek Help: If symptoms persist, consult a professional for tailored support.
• Track Progress: Note which skills work best in a journal or app.

Resources:

• Apps: Headspace, Calm, Insight Timer
• Books: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine
• Websites: National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI.org), PsychologyToday.com for therapists